Review: Polar
A hit man with fourteen days to go before retirement. What could possibly go wrong? Pretty much everything as it turns out in Polar, adapted from the 2012 comics series of the same name. Conceived as an even more amped-up version of John Wick, Polar instead has the opposite effect: it's akin to coming down from a blip of a high that believes it's more satisfying than it actually is.
The ever-magnetic Mads Mikkelsen stars as Duncan Vizla, a much-feared assassin known as The Black Kaiser working for a syndicate named Damocles. He's nearing his fiftieth birthday and he appears more than ready for his mandatory requirement, which means being able to cash out his $8 million retirement fund and live a quiet life in a cabin in some nowhere town in Montana. Problem is his boss, Mr. Blut (Matt Lucas, who appears to be channeling Goldfinger by way of Dr. Evil to resoundingly flat results), has a clause in his employees' contracts whereby their retirement funds revert back to the company should they die on the job before reaching retirement age. Since Mr. Blut is heavily in debt to his creditors, he decides to have his employees murdered before they reach the big 5-0 and ensure their retirement money becomes profit for Damocles.
One would think that watching assassins trying to kill one of their own would be highly entertaining. After all, John Wick is a prime example that this could be an ultra-violent, ultra-stylish, and tremendously satisfying enterprise. Polar proves that this is easier said than done. Unfortunately, the group of killers assigned to eliminate Duncan appear to be Suicide Squad rejects and watching them leave a trail of bloody bodies in their wake as they narrow in on Duncan becomes an absolute chore. It matters not a whit that director Jonas Åkerlund throws everything in plus the kitchen sink to distract from this mess of a film. If anything, his attempts only highlight the film's parade of weaknesses.
To be fair, there are some moments from which viewers can derive a modicum of enjoyment. Katheryn Winnick somehow simultaneously goes through the motions and chews up the scenery as Vivian, whose purpose is unclear but who appears to have a variety of wigs and attire at her disposal. There's a relatively amusing montage of Duncan going through a gamut of sex positions with, unbeknownst to him, one of the killers tasked with getting rid of him. The ensuing scene in which he fends off the larger squad whilst naked - shades of the Turkish bath scene from Eastern Promises - strikes just the right note of cartoonish. Yet nothing really coalesces into something remotely worth one's time.
Polar
Directed by: Jonas Åkerlund
Written by: Jayson Rothwell; based on the comics series, Polar: Came From the Cold, by Victor Santos
Starring: Mads Mikkelsen, Vanessa Hudgens, Katheryn Winnick, Matt Lucas, Richard Dreyfuss, Ruby O. Fee, Anthony Grant, Fei Ren, Robert Maillet, Johnny Knoxville
