Review: Celebrity

Woody Allen's Celebrity begins and ends with the word "Help!" No doubt purveyors of Allen's work will connect this, and other content of Celebrity, with troubles or triumphs in his personal life. Critics seem to view his films with an underlying agenda: how has Allen informed us of his personal life -- and by personal I mean artistic and romantic entanglements -- through his professional works? In other words, how has his reality inspired his art? Or, how can we utilize his art to trespass upon his reality?

Allen stays behind the scenes but he may as well have assumed the role of Lee Simon since actor Kenneth Branagh delivers a reasonable facsimile of Allen. The fact of the matter is the character would have been better served had Allen played it himself. Whether Allen opted to defer due to the carping he's been receiving about pairing himself with considerably younger leading ladies (Juliette Lewis in Husbands and Wives, Julia Roberts in Everyone Says I Love You, Elisabeth Shue in Deconstructing Harry) is anyone's guess. Well, all the better for Branagh then since Lee is given multiple chances to pursue a bevy of long-stemmed and well-endowed beauties.

When we first encounter Lee, he's a celebrity journalist who has recently avowed to change the direction of his life. Unfortunately, that entailed divorcing his wife Robin (Judy Davis), a neurotic who soon embarks on a relationship with TV producer Tony Gardella (Joe Mantegna), a Prince Charming she deems too good to be true. Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, Robin slowly and subconsciously sabotages their relationship. Lee, in the interim, travels down a rockier path in his pursuit of fame and romance. Convinced that movies are where it's at, he pitches his screenplay to all of the celebrities he interviews, most notably heartthrob Brandon Darrow, portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio. As the girl-chasing, coke-snorting, tantrum-throwing, posse-toting bad boy, DiCaprio displays his trademark kamikaze brilliance; he reminds us that, in the grand scheme of his career, Titanic is essentially a fluke.

The other outstanding vignette depicts Lee's encounter with a supermodel, beautifully imagined by Charlize Theron, who becomes more arrestingly watchable with each film. She slinks away with the film as the sinuously seductive egotist who, in a sense, defines the power of a true celebrity. Celebrities, before they can catch our attention, must hypnotize themselves; they must become Narcissus, if you will, and longingly and amorously gaze at their own reflection. Only when they are in love with themselves and the power of their celebrity can we truly and purely appreciate them. Theron's supermodel certainly embodies this theory. Sidling next to Lee, she informs him that she is "polymorphously perverse" -- that is, every part of her body gives her pleasure. "I'm orgasmic," Theron purrs as she slinks like a panther on parade. Exactly.

The rest of Celebrity entertains but doesn't seem as inspired as Allen's previous efforts. Which is not to say that there are no inspired moments for there are quite a handful: the green room of a TV show which finds skinheads, Ku Klux Klanners, rabbis, and overweight teenage acrobats mingling in harmony; Robin's demonstration of her oral sex technique to a professional hooker (Bebe Neuwirth); the endless circle of parties during which Lee rubs elbows with New York's literary, fashion, television, and film cognoscenti, all of whom are gently but scathingly mocked.

Allen has once again gathered a wealth of talent, all of whom serve him well though it's not always the case on his end. Melanie Griffith, as a cinematic sex symbol who has a sexual encounter with Lee, is reduced to a headless torso in one scene. Famke Janssen, as a levelheaded book editor, is particularly wasted. At least Winona Ryder, sporting a stealthy hard edge and a horrible wig that amazingly does nothing to detract from her beauty, makes for a wittily exasperating obscure object of desire. She pursues Lee but, once they embark on a relationship, complains that he is crowding her. It is Judy Davis, however, who must reign and reign she does. This prickly, intelligent beauty has become Allen's best neurotic du jour. One scene, in which Robin dissembles into a frantic mass of nerves upon sighting Lee, is a particular tour-de-force.

The superlative cinematographer Sven Nykvist, a longtime Allen collaborator, saturates the actors in creamy, melancholic black and white. Allen may be recycling from Federico Fellini, whose 8 1/2 is an obvious precursor, and his own earlier canon (Stardust Memories), but at least he does it in style.

Celebrity

Directed by: Woody Allen

Written by: Woody Allen

Starring: Kenneth Branagh, Judy Davis, Leonardo DiCaprio, Melanie Griffith, Famke Janssen, Joe Mantegna, Gretchen Mol, Bebe Neuwirth, Winona Ryder, Charlize Theron